Made it safely through a Friday the 13th

Some of my family was concerned about the date. I was a lil worried, I feel like when something, even if it affects me in horrible ways, it's usually someone else that leaves or dies, etc. 

So it's now Friday the 14! And the family is healthy and here with me still. I do have concerns about my Rebecca, she has lost a lot if weight. She is very depressed and even though she may smile around her friends and run up and hug all that she sees, she still keeps her guard up. I just wish I could bring her back from the hole she puts herself in when she's this depressed and angry, 

The girls are dong great with their school work! I am very proud of all of them this year! We do miss our big hugs at the moment because of my surgery. They never forget to walk up to me and ask me how I feel, give me kisses and a very nervous gentle hug on my arm so they don't wont hurt me. I have some very funny, sometimes emotional, sweet, giggly and caring lil girls. 

So I stil hope they know how much I love them.

I want them to know how wonderful they are to me each and everyday! 

Friday the 13th & Christmas Traditions

Well this is my favorite time of year! I love decorating and listening and singing along with the carols! I love the movies! And I love getting lil things to surprise my children and family. I don't have a lot of money. Especially this year, trying to help my Becca Boo get over these head aches and having her father not help with the extra health costs has put me in debt. But, I want her happy and healthy again!! 

But, between my mom and I, we have been running around finding things that we hope the girls will love. Christopher too, but I never know what he actually appreciates other than expensive game systems, which he knows I can't afford. He hasn't found a job in over a year and I can no longer pay for his rent. So I've been crying a lot over that because I have a feeling I'm going to have to just not pay. And that means he may end up on the street! I'm not sure how to handle that!! How does a Mom go on living in a warm house, eating warm meals,  laughing along with family when you don't know if your first born, son is out starving, freezing on the streets?!? 

But, back to Christmas!! I love it. But, I'm a little hurt this year. All year long, my teens jump in the car and change the radio stations to whatever they want to hear. But this one month where I just want to hear my carols and she fusses and gets downright mean. Then I love that a few years ago, all of my daughters and I get our picture taken together with Sabta. But, I'm told this year how much she hates it.. I just don't get it. They hate it all. Then Christmas morning, I don't hear a complaint about the gifts. I guess they still love that part. But, it's hurtful and seems unfair to me to ruin or take away my happiness during this time if year, but still expect gifts.. TEENS!?!? I'm so glad I still have the lil ones to have fun with.. 

But, I'm not giving up! I'm still hoping for a wonderful Christmas and I can't wait to surprise my kids with lots of fun stuff! 

Now, my 13 issue: I have a history with this number causing me much heartbreak and distress. Of course, it's not the number itself, it just seems that the bad stuff happen during the 13th day, year, etc. 

Here's a lil backup for you. First I was 13 years old when I lost my father in a Daytona race car accident on Feb Friday the 13th. Years later, we lost his sister suddenly from a brain aneurism on Feb 13th! My son was 13 years old when he did something so horrible that it changed every thing in my heart and soul and changed the family too. Then after 13 years of marriage, my hubby suddenly decides he didn't want to be married anymore. Then during the separation and divorce, my daughter turned 13 and we got into a fight and she left to live with her father. For 9 months, I missed her like crazy. Now, here we are in 2013 and I was worried, but it actually seemed to be a great year for me up until my Grandfather past away. And I had some corrective surgery and guess what?! It got screwed up and I have to go back today for a second surgery! And it is Friday the 13th.. So, you can see why I'm

Worried.. But, I've spoken to God. I know my children need me. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly. 

But, just in case something goes terribly wrong, I just hope my mother knows how much I appreciates everything she has ever done for me!! I hope my brother and his family never take each other for granted and they keep loving and holding on tight to one another everyday!! And I hope so badly that all of my children know I adore them and love them with all of my heart and soul! I want my son to find his way in life and start making better decisions. I hope my daughter knows that life doesn't have to be so painful and heartbreaking! I know it's been hard on her, but I want her to rise above the pain and anger and see all that this world has to offer her! And to my two lil ones, I know they will have lots of love forever in their lives and I hope they know I'm always there for them! I will be watching over all of them and hoping they make decisions that will make them strong in life and not put burdens or bad habits in the way if a better future. I will always love who their dad once was because we have three beautiful babies because if our love that we once shared. 

And Zach, you have been the most amazing man to me and I may have to come haunt you a bit if you meet someone new one day, but you deserve to be happy and whoever it is, she's a lucky girl! I know I have been very lucky to have found you! You are my sweetheart forever and always! 

I love you all. See you after surgery!!