Oct. 16, 2013 Court

Well, I did it. I took him back to court. He saw them less than 25 days within the last 365 days. So, Yes, I get my girls way more often and yes, he should pay accordingly, but I honestly hoped and prayed that the fear of having to pay me more money would make him see them like he used too. Help him remember the kind of father he used to be... 

So we went to court and I guess you could say, I won.. But, I don't feel like a winner. I feel sad and sick to my tummy. I got custody of my girls, I do love saying that!! They are my babies!! But, he didn't even fight it. He gave it up.. That just breaks my heart! What is wrong with him? He didn't get upset or mad at all until they said he had to pay more money. And I'm sure everyone is thinking that's what I was after, but it wasn't, it isn't. I want him to be their Daddy!!! 

So nobody won!! Actually the only people that really lost are my children! Extra money doesn't replace their daddy!! 

So he will continue to hate me, continue to distance himself from his children. 

And I will always love who he once was because he gave me my baby girls and I will always hope that one day he will find his way back into their lives and be there for his girls again.. 

As for now, I'm using the extra money for the younger two to finally take gymnastics and for my older daughter to get her license and maybe her first car. My son still needs help now and then, so it will be easier to help him with my money if I have more for the girls. But he needs to start paying his own bills, so I have to stop helping him as often too, but that is so hard to do.. But he is taking classes and hopes to have a job before the end of the year!! 

It's almost the end of 2013 and even though I was fearful of that number 13, I'd say it's been an ok year except for the loss of my sweet Grandaddy. 

I love you my sweet baby boy and three sweet beautiful baby girls!! Every single day and forever and always!! 

Love me!! 

She missing her Daddy and it shows

You know when you've just ended a relationship or you've been single for a while and you see a cute couple holding hands or just laughing and being sweet together and you can't help but smile, but you feel sad too. Well, today I saw that look in someone's eyes. It was my 9 yr old little girls eyes and in her face too. It broke my heart! 

I walked in about to sit down to watch tv with everyone else and stopped to look at all these silly girls and my sweet Zach. And there I saw my lil girl looking over at Zach holding his lil girl and rubbing her back and it was written all over my babies face. She was missing her daddy. Her eyes were so sad. My heart just ached for her. I walked over and gave her a big hug. I whispered in her ear and told her that, I loved her and that I could read her mind and just wanted to make sure she knew how much I loved her. She squeezed me even tighter and wouldn't let go. So I whispered, you know your daddy loves you too, right? And I felt her nod a tiny bit. Normally, I would call or text a father or any parent and let them know how much they were missed, but I have done that in the past and I got either no response or I got fussed at. So I guess I will hug my baby girl and pray that she knows that I love her so much and her sisters and family love her too. It was just so sad to see..