My Fault? His Fault? Who cares?! God, please Help!

Ever since the day my ex and I sat down with our second oldest, my children's lives have started to change. My oldest, my sons life had already gone bad between my ex and him. But, that moment we told my oldest daughter, her spirit changed, it completely broke. She went from happy, loved the world, loving her life, just all around happy silly carefree giggly lil girl. I remember my mother knew this old song called, I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA. Now, about 4 years later, the song that comes to mind when thinking about my daughter is, I hate the world today. Of course she's 16 now and most girls are 'hating' life at that age. But, the problems I thought I may encounter with my son, not only did I encounter them and more with him, I have had to deal with her as well. She is a very outgoing, free spirited lil thing. I knew she'd want to try things, but I knew she had a good head on her shoulders. But, the divorce made her sad and trying things became a good way to leave this world behind even for a few minutes. And then she started to lose the relationship she had with her father and that was huge. She was a Daddy's girl, 100%!! Now she doesn't want to speak to him because of the choices he has made. She has started smoking cigarettes, loves smoking pot and apparently lives the taste of beer. I guess I'm considered lucky because she is open and honest with me. Actually, I do feel lucky that she feels she can talk to me about pretty much anything. But, I'm so worried! 

As a parent you feel like you failed. Having an ex that has screwed up in so many ways, I feel myself wanting to blIm him also. And honestly, it most likely has a lot to do with both of us, along with the things that she has gone through personally and her personality type in general. Maybe she would have tried a lot of these things even if we were still together today. But, none of that matters now. 

Now, the only thing that matters, is her health. How can I help her to quit smoking? How can I help her deal with life, life's let downs and her anger without needed tobacco, alcohol and it drugs as a crutch?!?! 

And I see how her two youngest sisters look up to her, so how can I keep them from following her down the same path? 

I almost keep her home too much. I rarely let her go out. I want to keep her in a bubble hoping she will forget that other part of her life. I know this isn't reality. The moment she is away from me, she sneaks a ciggarette. And when she's with get friends, I'm sure she's doing more than that. So how can I let her go have fun, hope that even if she does try things like a lot of kids her age are doing, that it will be just for now, just while hanging out and it won't turn into an addiction?! 

That's the hardest part about being a parent. What's normal? What's not? What will affect them when the are adults, what will they carry over to adulthood? You don't get to know. You just pray that they make it safely through each day and stay healthy. 

So go whatever reason or reasons my son or my daughter started doing these things or will start other things doesn't really matter. What matters is that I stand by their side and help them when they need me and try my best to show them the right way without shoving my way. 

I love all of my babies that are growing up too fast!! I hope they will always know I'm here and I will be here for them always and for anything they need.